I'm thinking I might change the tagline of this blog from "Where's Steph" to "What Disease/Infection Steph Has Today." Catchy don't ya think?
Let me preface this post by showing you this photo:

This is me having fun with Jenny and Clair less than a month ago. Look how happy and unsuspecting I look.
This is me today.

OK, that's not really me. But I've been feeling about as ugly as that mask for weeks. Ever since I got back from Europe in May it has been one cold after another, bad sinus pressure and some migraine headaches thrown in here and there, a constant cough and a little bit of lethargy when the colds and sinus pressure were bad. My immune system has been so unreliable and horrible at it's job that it makes the
"Olly Girls" look like model employees.
I wrote last week that I finally went in to see my doctor after being sick for a couple weeks. I hated having to go because I was sick of the song and dance about taking OTC meds and "breathing in the steam from a bowl of hot water." I went in armed with a dozen reasons why I needed something prescribed and got a prescription for a sinus infection. I walked away feeling like, "Ok, now I FINALLY have some antibiotics and I should feel fine shortly." First Strike
As of Wednesday morning I could barely talk. I went into work determined to not take any more time off since I already used most of my Paid Time Off allotment on Europe and then being sick after Europe. But by noon on Wednesday it was pretty obvious that I needed to go home. My face was puffier than the Pillsbury Doughboy's, I was talking (this is so un-PC) like Marley Matlin and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed.
Thursday morning - wake up, can't talk, my throat feels like it's on fire, the sinus pressure is gone, but my nose and sinuses are still completely stuffed up. I try to eat soup, but I can barely drink water my throat is burning so badly with each swallow. I keep taking my prescription and pray that the drugs will help my sore throat.
Thursday night - I'm ridiculously hungry but still can eat anything due to the throat pain. I go downstairs at midnight and tell my roomie that I think I need to go to the ER. She talks me out of it and gives me a bunch of vitamins to boost my immune system, some heavy-duty nasal spray that we hope will get some stuff moving in my nose, some mint tea and a popsicle. My throat still hurts, but I'm feeling better and I plan to wake up early and go into the doctor's office for their morning drop-in clinic.
Friday morning I go straight from my bed to my car and down the street to my doctor's office. I haven't showered since Wednesday morning, I'm still puffy, I still can't talk or swallow and I'm an absolute, frustrated mess. The head doctor is on-call for the clinic and she takes one look at my throat and goes, "Did anyone do a strep test on you." NO. She consults an ear, nose, throat doctor prescribes a different antibiotic to fight both the sinus infection and whatever is going on with my throat and she gives me a steroid to help the inflammation in my throat so I can eat something. She also has me go get a mono test and an allergy test. I spent an hour waiting to have my blood drawn, but I left thinking, "Why didn't they just do all this the first time I came in? Oh well, at least I'll feel better now." Second Strike.
Parents pick me up Friday night to bring me back to Pittsburg so they can dote on me and let me rest. No offense mom, but I did more work staying with you guys than I would have staying home. But at least I got real food - I haven't been to the grocery store in forever and was living off of Campbell's soup and toast. By Saturday I'm starting to be able to breathe through my nose. SUCCESS! and by Sunday afternoon my throat stops hurting. I get dropped off at home Sunday night, give Shelby some pets and hugs and go to bed thinking, "I'm so happy. I feel so much better and I have a whole day off still tomorrow to rest and possibly run a couple errands, you know, like buying myself food.
Monday morning: I wake up with the worst, bright red, splotchy, itchy, disgusting, what the hell is this from rash all over my face and palms. Honestly, my first instinct was that Shelby must have rolled in Poison Oak again (she did it a couple weeks ago) and no one noticed and she has it on her coat and I touched her and OMG, then I went and washed my face and OMG, "I have poison oak!!!"
Then my male roommate took one look at me and said, "Wow, you're having an allergic reaction to your antibiotic." What?
Now, I vent about Dan a lot, but he is a nurse and knows what he's talking about. He said it's a classic reaction and it's normal for someone to get it after a few days. He gave me some benedryl and sent me back to bed. I apologized to Shelby for blaming the rash on her. I think we're cool. She let me play with her squeaker ball earlier.
Monday night the rash isn't getting any better and in fact, it looks like it's spreading. I'm supposed to take another antibiotic but don't know if I should, so I call the on-call doctor. She says, don't take it, the rash doesn't sound too bad, just make sure that if I have any trouble breathing or swallowing that I get to the hospital immediately. I spend the rest of the night second guessing every breath. "Was that too shallow?" "I'm feeling a bit wheezy. I think. Is that normal?"
This morning - I wake up early and get to work, rash and all, because I HAVE to be at work, I can NOT take off anymore time. I have to take a cold shower because hot or even warm water makes the rash burn. I pile on makeup to try to hide some of the blotchiness on my face and throw the bottle of benedryl into my purse. The stuff makes me sleepy, but it's the only thing I've got at this point.
I leave the doctor's office a message at 7am to please put me on a different antibiotic so the original infections do not return. I finally get a phone call back around 1:30pm and have that new prescription by the time I leave work and head home. I'm not overly optimistic this time - I've learned my lesson. The itchiness is subsiding from my face and hands, but lucky me, now my legs and feet are itchy. I suppose I should be happy that my body is only allowing two or three body parts to be itchy at a time instead of all over all the time.
I get home, and my phone rings about 6:30pm. It's the doc I saw Friday morning at the drop-in clinic. She said, "we figured out what's wrong with you. You. Have. Mono!!" She said it like I frickin' won a trip to Disneyland. I tell her that it doesn't make sense because I've SEEN people with mono and they can't get out of bed. If I have mono or had mono at any point, well, it's possibly the mildest case in the world because, Hi, if only you silly doctors would have given me something to get rid of the sinus infections I kept complaining about, then I wouldn't still be feeling so sick. But instead, I've been fighting these infections for months and now you're telling me that I have mono. I'm sorry, you've been wrong WAY too much lately for me to believe you this time. Strike three - you're out.
Here's why I don't have mono:
1. I'm still averaging about 10 hours a day at work, I'm gone from home for at least 12 hours unless I've got an activity or I'm meeting a friend for dinner, I barely get six hours of sleep a night and I'm still able to get out of bed each morning. How can I have mono when I'm not normally tired? I've only been tired when I've had sinus pressure.
2. I didn't lose any weight. When Clair had mono she lost weight. If I'm frickin' gonna have this disease my ass better look better in pants.
These arguments are about as scientifically sound as all the other bullshit these doctors have been feeding me for months.