Hi Hi, I feel like every post I start out by apologizing for not posting. It's November, and typically I'd be posting every day as part of NaBloPoMo, but alas, my life is too crazy to focus enough on myself and my writing. It makes me sad, but I keep pushing on. I know eventually I'll get back to having some time for myself, for friends and for family, but for now it's been all about work, unpacking and Ray of Light.

Oh yeah, I moved. I moved on Oct 18th. It's been almost a month, and I'm still completely surrounded by boxes. My new roommate left a note on my bedroom door last night saying that she hoped I was okay because she hadn't seen me in over a week. She called me last Wednesday morning to make sure I was alive because I hadn't come home.

I hadn't been home because I stayed overnight in San Francisco for work. I was working late because of a large conference and big client party. Usually gigs like that are fun, but this one was ALL work. I'm still not sure how I survived last week.

Ray of Light did a fantastic and extremely successful production of The Who's Tommy. I am so overjoyed by how far this little company has come in the last nine years and I can not wait to see what's in store for us next. I know I'm only a small part of the company, and I put in what I can, but what I get out of it makes me so happy that it's pretty much always worth all the extra exhaustion that comes from volunteering for show after show.
Take a look at these great reviews: Here. Here. And here.  Plus we had a consistent 4 3/4 stars out of a maximum of 5 stars on www.goldstar.com given by the general public that came to see the show.

What else did you miss?  Oh, Halloween. I had THE BEST costume.  Well, maybe not THE best of all time, but it was sooo good.  Everyone had to do a double take - they didn't know it was me!


    

I was a cigarette girl.  Cute wig and hat, a corset and a box full of candy and other assorted goodies.  Me and my fav theatre family and a little Capt'n time; I don't think I can remember having a better Halloween.



Whoo hoo...Ahoy Capt'n!  ;-)  haha, I couldn't resist.

Photos of the entire night are on my flickr page.

Sigh...time for bed.  The Capt'n is insisting that I'm in bed by 9:30p every night this week so that I can get a good night's rest.  Eh, I'm only an hour late, plus he's stuck in the Gulf of Mexico for another 50 days.  :-p   So, pppffffttt.  Castle is on tonight! I can't miss it!!

I know, I know. I haven't posted one single thing since last month's 12 of 12 and now it's the 12th of August and I'm still not going to post anything worth while.  I'm just too tired to upload all my photos, so I promise to do that tomorrow.  As for regular posting, well, I have BLOGGER'S BLOCK.  For reals.

I was sick for awhile so that was sucking the life out of me. And in between sickness and health there was a lot of busyness.  There's still lots of busyness, but I found a few hours this past weekend to catch up with someone.  Someone that some of you do not approve of. Well, that's not entirely true, most of you have never met him.  But I like him and that's all that matters at the moment.  There was much talking and laughing and just all around having a nice afternoon.  Plus there was ice cream. 




I call this one, "Dork with ice cream."  

Welcome to the tardy June edition of 12 of 12.  Last night was a very late night, so I didn't have the energy to post these when I got home.   Check out Chad's blog for other twelvers and why we do this.



12:52pm - Yeah, I kinda forgot it was 12 of 12. Didn't take any photos till halfway through the day.  This is my $20 ring from Target. I got it last February to go with a dress I was wearing to a wedding.  I get THE MOST compliments on that ring than any of my other jewelry.  Gotta love Target.



2:31pm:  My co-worker's desk.  I was looking for a paperclip and when I opened the drawer it was like being hit by a wonderful, fruity, childhood smell.  It was her Orbit gum - Maui melon mint. I totally stole a piece.  hehehehe



6:28pm:  Went to a BBQ in Walnut Creek where my friends Kelly and Troy were visiting for a wedding. They invited me and old roomies Lindsay and April for some BBQ and drinkin' fun.  I knew there were going to by oysters, i just didn't realize there would be THAT many oysters.




6:28pm: Troy trying to shuck the oyster.



6:36pm:  Troy is really good at prepping the oysters.  It took less than 10 minutes to go from the ice chest and into my tummy.  SLURP. YUM.  Love oysters.



7:13pm:  Maritime boys, Eric, Cap't Dave and Troy with Kelly.



7:14pm: I just realized that Kelly is in both of these photos. Photo Whore!  haha.  Me with Kel, April and Lin.



7:35pm:  How we roll: college cup with wine, PPR and a bottle of champagne.  There's always enough booze at a maritime boy party.



7:58pm:  April demonstrates how small the space is that these trees have to grown in under the low balcony.  Troy called them the "Trees of No Hope."




9:26pm:  April is corny.



10:20pm - This is the correct orientation.  Lindsay really is leaning out over me at that angle.



10:25p - Now things are getting saucy.



10:25pm - EXTRA PHOTO. I just love Kelly's reaction when she realizes we're messing with her ass.


Had such a great night with my old college friends, I hardly even mind the hangover.  :-)

I meant to post this back on Valentine's Day, but there have been musicals (www.roltheatre.com) and birthdays and baby shower shopping going on, and I didn't have enough time to really get all my thoughts together.  There aren't many of you who read this that aren't my mom, so I apologize for the lack of content lately.  The shininess of Facebook is waring off, so I'm sure I'll have more things to say soon that take up more than a couple of lines.

Anyway, back to the story that's been brewing in my head. 

So Friday night I got an email from a guy that I had been out with only a couple of times, but it was a good start and I was genuinely excited about the prospect of going out on a third day.  So far he'd done everything right.  He asked me out via the phone, and NOT text message.  He planned both dates quite nicely; he even asked for suggestions for a good date place in the city from co-workers instead of waiting till we met up to ask me what I wanted to do or what I recommended.  He was a gentleman; he opened doors, picked up the check, made sure I got home okay.  It was nice to be doted on a bit.  He even paid me a few compliments. 

I know none of this is AMAZING.  But I've been on SOOOOOO many bad dates lately that even just the simple things, like telling me he's going to call and then ACTUALLY calling, have totally started to separate the clueless boys from the men.

Anyway, so here it is, the day before Valentine's Day and I haven't heard from this guy in almost a week and he said he was going to call on Monday.  So unlike him.  I talked it over with girlfriends and coworkers and none of us could make any sense from it.  Being the type of girl that doesn't dwell on guys that obviously aren't interested, meaning, the ones that don't call, this made me pause.  Was I mistaken?  Maybe I dreamed up how fantastic our two dates had been?  Maybe all his friends that he introduced me to on our second date thought I was lame and they were just being nice to me to my face?  Maybe he'd been in an accident on his way home from a business trip on Monday when he said he was going to call and he was in the hospital and couldn't use his cell phone?

Of course none of that was the case.  He HAD been a on a business trip that ended up lasting a few extra days and he told me that he honestly hadn't brought along his phone charger and he had no battery left to make any phone calls...and it's not like he has my number memorized.  I'm choosing to believe that.  But in the same email he said that he'd been thinking that although he loved the time we spent together that he thought we lived too far from each other to consider a romantic relationship. 

Sigh.  I guess I knew that it could be an issue.  We live more than an hour from each other and are both very busy.  There's no easy mutual location for dates.  Sigh.  But still, I thought I would be worth the little extra effort of driving into the east bay.

I'm bummed, but I'm fine.  This whole thing just kind of reminded me that this isn't the first time I've been dumped the day before Valentine's Day.  The first time was in fifth grade.  I was "going out with" Nick* for about a couple of months.  We were the equivalent of the prom king and queen of my fifth grade class.  We sat next to each other in class.  During the reading period where the whole class read aloud from a novel, we would scoot our desks together and read from the same book.  We never held hands.  We definitely never kissed.  It was a fifth grade romance.  He passed me a note that asked if I liked him and I checked the box yes.  We were happy. 

Until the day before my first Valentine's Day with a "boyfriend" when Nick's best friend came up to me at recess and said, "Hey, Nick doesn't want to be your boyfriend anymore."  And that was it.  I went from having a boyfriend in the morning and then no boyfriend after lunch.  We spent the rest of fifth grade in the same class and you could cut the tension with a spork.

The only thing that makes me feel better about this story is that Nick came crawling back in the 8th grade and I got to happily reject him.  But I digress...

So, two times I've been the dumpee pre-Valentine's Day.  It's tough.  I think I'm pretty cool. A good catch.  I might not be the hip, city girl I once was, but I'm usually up for most parties or activities.  Maybe my problem is that I've been trying way too hard lately.  Every single guy becomes a prospective date.  It's too much pressure on the guys and on myself.   I met Karl on a whim; a complete fluke while I was trying to fix Laura up with a date.  I wasn't looking, i wasn't trying, I wasn't even putting my best self forward.  The more I think about that, the more I figure that's going to be the way I meet my next significant other.  It's going to be when I'm not looking.

I've been a bit secretive about trying out online dating.  I've tried it and it has been a disaster to put it lightly.  Everyone tells me that i should try it (not knowing that I all ready am) because it's the BEST WAY to meet a lot of available guys.  Besides the main issues I run in to the most - no guys in my area, no guys in my area that are under 40, no guys in my area that are under 40, have a job and like to do something besides camp or play video games.  Besides those issues the main reason the online dating stuff kind of weirds me out is that on the flip side to meeting a lot of people all at once is that i'm being rejected by dozens of guys ALL THE TIME.  Online dating is just one big rejection after another.   Guys take a look at my profile and don't think I'm cute enough or whatever enough to write or even send a lazy ass wink.  Guys email me, i email back, they email, I email back and then NOTHING.  They don't ask for my number, they don't ask if we can meet, they just fade away.  OR, I meet a great guy, he asks for my number, he asks to go out, he asks for a second date before the end of the first, and then a week after the second date he decides he likes everything about you except that you live too far away in the wrong direction.

It. Is. Exhausting.  And Frustrating.  My heart still hasn't fully recovered from the non-closure of my relationship with Karl.  All the first and second dates over the past two years have just worn away what pieces of my heart I was able to put back together before jumping back in the dating scene.  I think I just need to be done for awhile.  I think I'm going to log off of all these dating sites and just go back to what I was doing - nothing.  This doesn't mean I won't date (mom, don't have a heart attack, and don't call me for a mother-daughter talk either, I'm fine), this just means I'll only be accepting dates from guys I meet in person or guys my friends set me up with.  The online dating world just isn't for me right now.

I've got plenty to focus on right now anyway.  I'm going to Vegas this weekend for a friend's birthday.  I have the Europe trip in April and I'm still in the process of learning Italian for that.  My room is a disaster; I really need to clean, organize, purge junk, buy adult furniture, etc.  I have to watch the first season of Lost so I can send back the DVDs to Cap't Dave instead of having a constant reminder of him sitting on top of my TV.  I also need more shoes and purses.  Really, I have plenty of things to do and focus on that having a boyfriend, or even a dating life at the moment will just hinder all my plans.

I still believe in Love.  I know it's out there.  It has just been kicking my ass a little too much lately, so I'm going to sit out a few rounds and try to get stronger and wiser before jumping back in the ring.

*Names have been changed**

**Except his name really was Nick.  I just couldn't come up with another name that sounded believeable.

UPDATE as of 11:19pm:  I have to add that another reason I'm hating online dating is because a majority of the guys that do email me CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH.  I'm not talking about bad grammar, I mean they DON'T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE.  I'm not dating someone that I can't talk to or only wants to date me in hopes of a green card.  And the bad grammar drives me nuts as well.

So when a certain captain calls out of the blue after months of silence my first instinct is to answer the phone and yell at him. How dare he think I'm just waiting around for him to grace me with his presence? But instead I sent the call to voicemail, ignored the second call and am sitting here stewing.
You know that book, "he's just not that into you?" I haven't read it, but I'm sure if I asked the author, "so there's this guy that likes to pop in and out of my life, string me along and then disappear just as soon as I start to trust him again, do you think he'll ever change, ever be serious about me?" I'm pretty sure the answer is obvious.

So why am I stewing?

Blue Angels are practicing formation and buzzing over our office building in preparation for the fleet week festivities. This time of year always reminds me of senior year of college; the first time I met the maritime boys at my first celebration of fleet week living in The City and all the "fun" kelly and I had that year with them. Every girl should really have the opportunity to dance with a sailor at some point in her life.