It isn't often that I bring up my religious beliefs on this site.  I typically rant and rave about common sense, grammar and the woes of dating, but my spirituality and faith have always been very personal for me, so consider this post as a once in a blue moon topic and not something I plan to bring up on a regular basis. 

Considering that I missed Palm Sunday last weekend, it was really important to me to make it to one of today's Good Friday services.  I typically like to attend Good Friday services back home in Pittsburg.  The youth ministry program at my hometown church puts on quite a spectacle every year; and I say this in a good way.  They act out the entire Passion of the Christ, complete with costumes and props, crosses and fake blood.  It may sound like it's over the top, but it's actually done quite respectfully and although the cast size and the pomp and circumstance increase each year, it's still a very moving and spiritual service. 

However, this year I decided that I'd like to stay in San Ramon and attend Good Friday service with my current parish.  There was a simple procession of the cross and traditional reading of the Gospel.  Instead of going up to stand in line to venerate the cross (kiss, kneel or pray before a wooden cross), they took one large cross and passed it around the church.  It was very moving to watch everyone stand, bow and reach up to touch and pass the cross.  Sort of like a mix between a big wave you'd see at a sporting event and a crowd-surfing cross. 

I spent a lot of time during the service reflecting in silence and praying with the rest of the congregation.  This is one of the few days during the Liturgical year that isn't filled with joyful music or uplifting homilies because we are supposed to be solemn and quiet.  I must say, there have been some Good Fridays where I've left the church emotionally drained, like I had just watched a tear-jerker movie.  You know how the movie Titanic was sooooo sad even though we all knew what the outcome would be?  But we all cried anyway?  Yeah, that type of emotionally draining.  But not this year.  I admit that I still fought back some tears - it is a moving story and it's a part of my faith that means a lot to me, but I didn't feel sad.  I think the silence and the extra prayer time and some very moving hymns by the choir re-energized me.  I feel spiritually revitalized. 

I don't have much to complain about in my life (not that that doesn't stop me as you all know), but I look around and see so many people in my life that are struggling.  So many people that have had heartache and sickness and horrible set backs and life sucking blows and I truely feel for them. Every week at mass I sit and pray for my family and friends; for the people I know who are struggling or sick or who just need some strength or guidance.  I pray for myself too.  I keep praying and praying and it's hard to say this, but I'm not seeing results.  In fact, things keep getting worse.  I don't expect God to come down and strike me on the head with a sign or the answer to my prayers, but sometimes I feel like I'm yelling and no one can hear me. 

Tonight, in the silence, I felt some peace.  I think I'll stop yelling and just listen.

I took a little trip to Lake Merrit last weekend to check out the new Oakland Cathedral with Brian. I thought I'd share some of the photos I took in the sanctuary and the mausoleum that's under the church. Right now the church is a bit empty, even during mass. I hope they can gain a larger following - it really is a beautiful place to worship.



The design of the building is supposed to look like a fish (you know, those fish emblems that people put on the back of their cars?).  This is the tail end of the fish and the main entrace to the cathedral.


Inside.

   

Leading down into the mausoleum.  It's sort of interesting that not only will current and future bishops be laid to rest under the cathedral, but regular people have the option of being buried there as well.  It's actually a very warm, inviting place, nothing like a regular cemetary or morgue, but I don't think I'd want to be there for all eternity like some sort of museum.  But to each his own.

Growing up, Lent always sounded like the downer part of the Catholic calendar.  No flowers, no Alleluias, no statues, no meat on Fridays...basically it all focused on sacrifice.  The older I get though, the more I actually look forward to this season.  Yes, you can see Lent as giving something up, having to sacrifice something for 40 days, but I try to look at it as a new year, a new season, a way to better yourself and start better habits.
Last year I successfully stopped ordering out for all my meals.  I went to the grocery store instead, made meals, learned recipes and in the process saved a lot of money and ate a little healthier.  With my ever-changing schedule, that sacrifice was one of the most challenging Lenten promises I'd ever made.  Of course I haven't kept this up completely, but I'm still really good about bringing breakfast and lunch to work instead of going out every day.  Dinners are hard because I'm never home at a decent hour and it's hard (not to mention depressing) to cook portions for one.
I like the idea of making a change, even just a small one, and hopefully the habit sticks around.  This year I'm doing something that may sound a bit juvenile, but has so far been just as hard as last year.  I'm trying to give up swearing.  Actually, the real swear words, you know, those four-letter words and crude descriptions that are bleeped out of reality TV shows haven't been the hard ones to drop.  The hardest thing so far has been refraining from taking the Lord's name in vain.  I have let "Oh my God" and "Jesus Christ," etc, etc permeate most of my vocabulary, and while I'm an adult, and I'm sure most people don't care what phrases I choose to use, just the fact that I've had a REALLY hard time NOT using those words proves to me that this was the right thing to give up.  I'm hoping that in the long run, this Lenten promise will help me to think before I speak, think before I let my temper get the best of me and hopefully stop myself from being so abrasive towards others.  I'm the first to admit that I have VERY high expectations of people.  I expect people to use their brains, I expect people to be fair, and considerate towards others, to follow the rules and try to go that extra mile for others.  I hate rude people. I hate inconsiderate people.  But in the process of trying to stand up for myself and for others I think I may be bordering on being too high and mighty for my own good and I've definitely lost all patience for people I encounter on a day to day basis.
And just to keep me honest, I've decided to donate a dollar for every time I swear or use the Lord's name in vain.  At the end of Lent I will donate whatever's in my "swear jar" to the Catholic Church.  Ash Wednesday, the start of the Lent season, was only four days ago, and I already owe $12.  I certainly hope this gets easier, otherwise the Church is getting a pretty hefty donation.
So, along with this new church season, I'm also starting a new blogging NaBloPoMo for March.  The theme this month is GIVING, or GIVING UP, so I'm sure I'll have a few more posts about this years' Lent and how I'm doing with my promise.
So, if anyone has suggestions for how I can stop myself from swearing, I'd be happy to listen...and my wallet will thank you.